So I Wrote A Book

More like I published a book. That makes me an author. I feel more like an auto. It is an ebook, maybe auto is what you call ebook writers. Maybe. 37 Ways to Survive Nigeria is the book. It started as a blog post and grew in bounds and scope until it became a book. I wrote the book last year. I wrote it and just forgot all about it. Then I woke up one day, a couple of weeks ago, saw the book lying dusty on one corner of my system; I cleaned the dust off, I reversed and updated the book.

The book is ready.

There are many people who are somewhat disappointed that this is not the novel about Chuks and the other Quagmire guys. That one will come. You will be the first to know when it comes out. I am not certain of the date. Only my father in heaven knoweth. I started working on the book in 2014. It is completed, but not completely done. The book needs a transformation which includes rewriting, beta-reading and editing. Will cost time, money and blood. It will come out as a novel you will be proud of and happy to read over and over and over again. Trust me.

That is for the future. For now, buy 37 Ways to Survive Nigeria on Okadabooks. It is a book about the reality, the cunning, tactics, the triumph of surviving Nigeria. It is also a fun read. A steal for 500 naira. I settled for 500 because a plate of food in my favourite canteen is 400 naira, 500 if you order for an extra piece of meat. So this is me saying that for the price of your lunch with extra meat, you can have my book.

Quite a number of people have contacted me about being unable to refill their Okadabooks account in order to make the purchase. They have asked if they could transfer the money and get me forward the book to them. I say no, do it in Okadabooks. I need the reviews there which will help give the book a boost. If, however, your efforts at buying it falls short beyond what you can handle, then contact me and I might do it off Okadabooks, provided you attach evidence of hardship endured on Okadabooks.

No, don’t buy it out of friendship or as a sign of loyalty to my blog. No, it is a useful book and it is worth far more than the amount I settled for. It is a brave book even you if didn’t know me, even if your stepmother wrote it.

This is not a normal book review. It is just an announcement that the book is out. You can read reviews about the book by others. Topazo was the first to review this. Choice wrote this. Sylvanus also reviewed the book. Other reviews are coming and I will update and include the links when they hit the internet.

Thanks to everyone who helped make this book happen. Thanks to those who have spent their money on it. Thanks to the reviewers. Thanks, too, to the would-be buyers and reviewers. Cheer.

One last thing. Don’t let the devil use thee. Buy 37 Ways to Survive Nigeria today and let survival in Nigeria be the winner.

WhatsApp Image 2018-07-25 at 13.50.53


Eben: One Year On, Fresh Wounds

Dear Eben,

It has been a year since you left us. That day still feels like last week. One moment I was in a meeting, the next moment a phone call came in and that was the end of your journey here. Just like that, Eben, they announced your end. It felt untrue, an error or a cruel joke. 365 days later, you are still not here. Left to mourn you are hundreds of us, your people, and we have gathered like birds at the base of the fallen iroko that had sheltered many of us.

How do you mourn someone you didn’t prepare to bury? How do you move on from a bad news that is still fresh in your mind? How do you keep alive the memory of a friend in this crazy world where events move like steam engines and people are overwhelmed by situations closing in on them like a leaking floodgate?

If I had enough connection, I would create a foundation in your name. Ebenezer Centre for Leadership and Good Governance, a centre that would provide an avenue to try and make sense of the chaotic kitchen that Nigeria sometimes look like.

If I had plenty money, I would have founded Ebenezer Memorial High School in Zaria, a city you love so much and where your bones lay. I would come to town every graduation day and remind students, parents and guests what a great man you are.

If I had magical powers like the Red Priestess of Asshai, I would command you back to life.

I have none of this.

I have a heart and in here you will live for as long as I live. I know this is insufficient but no one ever claimed yours is a gap that can ever be filled. Your departure left us with a large room which will always remain a vacuum which, from time to time, we will go in an echo your name.

I have a faith in Jesus of Nazareth whom you also believe in. It is my fervent hope that one day, when I leave this marletplace call earth, we would meet again at His bosom. I would walk up to you with tears in my eyes, hug you and say, “Baba na, kwana biu.”

Yours faithful,