LOVE AT FIRST HEARING

I don’t know what to do to myself in this country of Nigeria. Because everywhere you go in this country is partial sentimentality, godfatherism and gangsterism especially in this our Kano. Me that I am a graduate I cannot even secure job in more than three years. Because I don’t have anybody inside government. The other day, my cousin, his friend even insulted me that I am not a graduate. Because I didn’t go to Bayero University or Wudil. I am a proud graduate of Isah Mahmud Memorial College of Sharia and Legal Studies, I graduated with upper merit without any one carry-over. So for somebody to underlook my certificate is gross misconduct of regal idiocy. Even my grammar there is nobody speaking it in Tudun Wada area of Kano, I have to bringing myself down to their level. Even my writing is spotless polish, you cannot find any one single errors. So Umar, for saying my result is not recognizable is a bombastic baboon and a conscientious cattle. That is by the way.

So I don’t have job but I am surviving, doing small small business here and there and sometimes involving in local politics and getting small something because in this Nigeria commonwealth is not somebody father have it. So if you get anywhere that you can get anything, quietly cut it and use it to drink Fanta. But whenever I am not involving business and marketing and politicking, I enter inside my bedroom and tune my radio to English FM. Me I don’t wasting my time on stupid Indian and Chinese movies. And I cannot come and listening to Hausa FM. I am a graduate and birds of grammatical feathers are inside one nest. So I always listening to radio, when is time to eat, Amina my sister is bringing my food. They say I should marry because my mates have marry, but that one is concern them. Until I get a suitable job paying luxurious stipends I cannot put my hand inside marriage. Because women are dangerous so if you don’t have something and you marry, they must derail you. Completely, walahi.

So, today I listening to my radio something happen to the engineering or power problem and the FM stop doing. I decide the best thing to do is catch Hausa FM and passing time until the English problem is rectified and justified. But as soon as I start to listening to this inferior FM I hear something that shock me so much and accelerate my heartbeat fast fast.

One woman by name is Aisha Balarabe. She come to radio and announce vacancy for husband. She looking for a handsome man that is tall and a graduate to marry her. Interested candidates to come to number 5 Ali Alkali Street to apply with their certificate. The winner of the auditioning will marry the damsel and be reward with a car and a house.

As soon as I hearing this voice, I fall suddenly inside hot love. It is love at first hearing. The announcement say that deadline is four o’clock for the application and now is just after one. I am tall, I am handsome with pointed nose like Indian person. Before, people calling me Van Vicker because of my astonishing look but now I telling them is graduate they call me since I am now a graduate, and you know you cannot put handsome inside plate and eat it.

So on hearing this announcement on radio I run to the bathroom. I am a Romeo getting ready to go and carry my Juliet. After I bath, because I know guys in the auditioning will appear there wearing caftan and baban riga, me I have decide to dress like civilization, to wear complete suit with tie and matching Gucci shoes. If they come to dressing, I am; if it is grammar, I am; in any aspect I can defeat any youthman in Kano and snatch the heart of Aisha, sweet beautiful beautiful Cinderella.

Before quarter to two o’clock I have dressed finish. Applying small eye pencil and least of powder, and generous perfume, Dubai perfume not that shouting scent that mallams selling for guys here that will be smelling in their body for one month. In all ramifications and justifications, I am most qualified to win Aisha my love and heartthrob. I carry my certificate plus photocopies and original and put it in my briefcase that my brother he leave for me when he go to Cairo University.

I enter Keke Napep. There is no insult inside Keke Napep. Because I will be coming back inside car. But where I get small disencouragement is when I enter Ali Alkali Road, everywhere is traffic jam and I see a long queue of an assortment of guys, like gases. I cannot believe Kano has such collection of handsome men because the queue is like presidential election times two. Some of the men even dress in suit that somebody borrow them. As I come down from the Keke somebody he tap me and asking me if I come for Aisha auditioning, I say yes and he giving me tag, I am number 364. Can you imagine, 364 men and guys are still coming for the exercise!

Refusing to allow disencouragement to knock me out, I look for one pavement and sit down for my turn to get interview by the beauty queen. I am not afraid because I am the smartest dressing, the most grammatical, the handsomest.

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24 thoughts on “LOVE AT FIRST HEARING

  1. Lady Em

    This guy sef! You will nt killing me oo… Always bringing out twistd stories n making d best out of them. U will not killing me ahswear!

    Like

    • HARD VOICES

      Somebody she want to die she calling my name because I am a graduate with pointed nose so that when something happen to her they tell me I must marry her.
      Lady Em put binoculars inside my armpits, it is blameless walahi. I can’t even hurting one single flies

      Like

  2. Anavami

    Smartest dressing, the most grammatical, the handsomest indeed.
    Let’s see how it goes Mr. proud graduate of Isah Mahmud Memorial College of Sharia and Legal Studies.

    Like

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