Dear Lady Who Wants to Sell Virginity for 600K

Dear Lady,
Good morning. Or good afternoon or evening. I don’t know the time there. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the good. On Friday (I work in the media so I see all the news as they break) I saw the headline ‘Nigerian lady wants to sell virginity for 600K.’ The devil wants to use someone, I thought dismissively and scrolled on. I didn’t bother reading.

At home, I saw the news (again) on Facebook. I read it. I felt anger at the sight of simplicity and confidence in sexual solicitation in its shameless and sleazy height; anger which thawed into a feeling mixed with pity and frustration in near-equal proportions. But, I reasoned, this may just be a publicity stunt or a sinister prank. Whatever, it has claimed media attention and I would write about it. I felt better.

Miss, you want to sell your virginity for 600 thousand naira? It’s your body, your virginity and your account number. I won’t tell you what to do with your body, your virginity and your account number. But I have a few things to say before you go that road. I am an intellectual and putting mouth on things that concern me not is my business. I have plenty issues with your proposal, but I would dwell on just three.

1, You sold yourself very cheap.
600 thousand is a big amount in this recession but even 600 is too small for your virginity. How much should virginity go? No amount. Virginity is priceless. You said you’re not a prostitute that you just wished to give it to a man that would value your pride.

You see, pride, like integrity and peace of mind etc, are some things that cannot be sold in the market, if you really have them. I have said it before, you must, if you want to take your life seriously, have some things in your life that money cannot buy, that can never go for sale.

By putting a price tag between your leg, you turned yourself into a cheap commodity like a goat and ogiri that can be turned around, accessed, bargained and rightly dismissed. You said, ‘I have standing boobs, moderate ass and very tight virgin (you mean vagina).’ Hahaha. You warned you are not a prostitute. You are not, my dear, you are an expensive one. So expensive yet so cheap.

2, You’re playing with your life
This is Nigeria. I know there are many men who would pay as much to sleep with a famous celebrity. It’s not virginity or the sex they are after, it’s the bragging in the beer parlour that I slept with this superstar actress and that sexy musician that they desire. Most of the people who would gladly pay this amount for a celebrity would not bargain it, they would bring the money in cartons. Blank cheque.

But for a hustler offering blatant sex, I can bet those who would be interested are mostly people who would want to get ‘profit’ from it. Yahoo boys, ritualists, devils parading as men would sure apply. Those kinds of men whose manhood spit, not sperm, but maggots, men who have the ability to make you bleed for more than a week after the act, men who would destroy you, men who would eat you whole and vomit you alive yet not so alive.

I shudder.

Sex is not just a physical affair. It goes deep, deeper than that. Once some man climbs you, your life would never remain the same; your life might will alter for the worst.
You want to sell your virginity? some psycho could win the bid and gather his type, a group of rapists to ‘show the greedy girl’. They might even make video of it and blackmail you for the rest of your life.

I’m not trying to frighten you but the odds that this would be your first and last sex is not minimal, the chances that you would look back to this event and eat yourself with regret is much. The sex might as well go without any visible backlash, but this is your body, your life, why should you subject it to such immeasurable risk?

3, You’re a victim and promoter of female subjugation.
Virginity is wrongly defined. In two ways. First, it’s defined as the state of having not engaged in penetrative sex. Sex goes beyond penetration (except you are saying homosexuals are virgins).

Virginity is primarily about innocence. A woman who calls herself a virgin but eats sugarcane, allows a man loosen her bra and explore is not a virgin. Same with a man who hasn’t had sex but masturbates. I have seen so many virgins who know about sex, sexual pleasure and orgasm more than half the women in their mother’s age grade.

Once you have enjoyed the ecstasy of sex you have lost it. Except you wish to deceive yourself.

Secondly, which is where I have the major problem, virginity is defined as female virginity. The society talks about and expects sexual purity but they actually look only at women purity. Men’s purity is a mere footnote. That’s why our ancestors place a white cloth on the bed on the wedding night to see if she woman had been defiled and lost her virgin blood elsewhere. No one cared about the man’s. In their wisdom, they failed to make allowance for a woman whose hymen might have broken through some form of exercise.

Today we have inherited that woman-virginity-is-supreme mentality. And by auctioning your body, you have affirmed victim status of the gender sexual bias. And by so doing, friend, you’ve put on the big screen the objectification of the vagina.

I don’t think you are very smart. As a matter of brutal fact, you are confused. Recall where you wrote if any man wants something serious, it must be marriage at first sight. Ah ha. But as confused as you are, as shallow as your thought capacity sounds, you have, without knowing it, fanatically expanded the sexploration industry and become a symbol of its foundation. You have begun a story in your life. And it’s not a comedy.

Don’t let the devil misuse you.

Yours Sincerely,
I.

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The Unending (Unnecessary) Battles In Nigeria

Hampered by work and restricted by time, I haven’t written anything here in more than two weeks, since six types of suicides. Thankfully, Sylvanus Omoniyi comes to my rescue with this article. It is hot, it is bleak, it is prophetic, and it is, most crucially, useful. Enjoy

Nigerians are angry. They are not smiling. The country is so hard that people get angry at the slightest provocation. You must be careful of the things you say. There are people who are probably waiting for you to make one false move so they can use your mistake as the casket to bury you. Bury you alive. It looks like everyone is looking for someone to crucify.

Fights everywhere. Blackmail. And even curses. You need to guard your head. Don’t come on Facebook and start acting like a king when you are not even a palace guard. Most people will lose their jobs in real life because of the things they engage in on social media. And some may be harmed or even lose their lives because of their social media presence.

It is even harder for the female folks. You know yourselves. You engage in Facebook battle with people anyhow. People you know that you can’t face in real life. You challenge everyone with words because you think you are famous on Facebook and you can get away with anything. I just pity you. Facebook warrior. Social media Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jackie Chan of subs. Go on.

You don’t know some of the people you battle with. I have heard stories of people getting molested in real life because they couldn’t control their buccal cavity on social media. Some have been killed. A man who does not have the paraphernalia to battle does not engage himself in singing the songs of war. It is dangerous. The time is coming, and now is, that people will be judged by their social media idiosyncrasies. Many will lose relationships. Many will lose jobs. Many will lose their dignity.

It is happening already. Many more will lose their privacy, their essence, and confidence. Many will remain unmarried and bitter. Some, unable to stand the havoc they let loose, will consider suicide. And lots more. You’ll hear of these things and you will remember my words. Don’t pretend to be what you are not. No. Don’t do that. You don’t need it.

Don’t drag yourself into trouble because you want to impress your fans and followers. You’ll turn to look back and you will realize you are the only one standing. Be wise. Diplomacy and modesty are required online, especially for the emotionally and psychologically weak. You may choose to argue with me that you are not weak but when the balloon bursts, you will come back to your senses. I have delivered what the gods sent me. He that has an ear, let him hear!

Sylvanus tweets @SylvanusOmoniyi