In case you missed the last episode
I finally went with Hosea and Ikenna to the lunch at the proprietress’. I called Ikenna on Saturday and he said he was game. Then on Sunday morning, the VP called me and said he could join me if my babe wouldn’t make it. I said he could come.
We agreed to meet at Lassel Junction by 2pm. I was there by 2.15 and sat in a restaurant/bar where I sometimes ate. Hosea came there at 2.35 or so and we had to wait for Ikenna till 3.20, I believe. He said something about something coming up. We headed to the school owners’ house which we arrived at just a little under 4pm.
Neche opened the door for us.
“Mummy,” she exclaimed as she led us into a large sitting room, the size of half a tennis court. “Your star teachers are here!”
The mother came out. “Look at them!” Then she lost her smile and asked us to look at the watch. “The director had to leave for a meeting.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “The VP was doing makeup.”
“Ma,” I said, “I am sorry I came with two people instead of one but it’s no problem. You can give me my plate of food and drink and then give these two people the other plate of food and one bottle of drink to share.”
“This is my house,” Hosea said. “It is you two who should share a plate.”
“Well since it is your house, you will eat yours on the kitchen floor.”
Another round of laughter. The woman of the house said: “I was really looking forward to this but it is now a shame I will miss it as I have a meeting by four. And did you all see the white mansion as you turned into this street?”
I kept quiet knowing this was an opening gambit to a sucker punch. The two idiots said yes, they saw the mansion.
The proprietress made her point: “Well, that mansion belongs to our kinsman. Peradventure what to provide for your guys’ flats stomach becomes too burdensome for me, I will call on him for help.”
They laughed. I shrugged. “You know, well she asked if you saw the mansion I refused to answer because I know a backhand slap was coming.”
“You know my mother too well,” Neche said.
“Yes but it wasn’t easy learning, I bled a lot in her hands.”
“And I have to confess, that was why I delayed the guys just to get rid of her and save my skin.”
Neche giggled but the guys didn’t know whether to laugh or be shocked. The proprietress shrugged. “You won today but we would fight some other day. In the meantime, my daughter and son – he is around – will keep you guys’ company.”
“When did you become close with the proprietress?” Ikenna asked me as we settled down in the dining.
“I don’t know,” I said, “but those days I climbed upstairs to cry over my September salary helped.”
Neche served us white rice in a big bowl capable of feeding five hungry farmers with steaming stew crowded with chicken wings and laps.
When Hosea opened the stew flask, I said, “You guys cannot say I have never done anything for you all.”
“My brother you have o,” Ikenna said. “But wait o, why did they invite you for lunch?”
I touched my collar neck. “They know I’m starving.”
Neche came with the salad when we were laughing and a fake epiphany suddenly hit Ikenna’s coconut head and he closed one eye.
“My brother, perish that thought,” I said.
“VP, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He nodded slightly towards Neche.
“They assume we’re in love or something,” I said to Neche and she laughed. “You,” she pointed with a dismissive left finger. “You would wash plate tire o.”
And the boys laughed their heads off, so loud and so long that Neche left before I could come up with a comeback. I shrugged as I took a liberal bite at a chicken wing. This is my revenge. One thing I came to learn about having a bad mouth was having ears receptive of insults. And your comebacks mustn’t be that day. It may tarry up to one year even but it could still be served, the colder the sweeter.
When we were finishing our food, the proprietress’ son joined us. He was a tall and very fair chap.
“That’s Emenike,” the VP said. “This is Ikenna.” They shook hands.
“This is K.” We shook hands.
“My mom told me about all you’re doing in the school.”
“Your mother is very kind,” I said. “And I thought you weren’t happy with our presence here.”
He smiled. “Na, I didn’t want to look at your mouths while you eat. Now that you guys are done, we can go sit at the garden outside and drink something stronger than Pepsi.”
“This guy is a guyman,” Ikenna said. When an Igbo guy calls you a guyman then you are truly a guyman.
We sat round a table in their garden with a bottle of dry gin and glasses on the table.
“My mom told us you are coming with your girl,” Emenike said as he poured the drinks. “What happened?”
I shrugged, “She couldn’t make it.”
Emenike nodded. “Scheduling conflict.”
“Is that your way of saying she had an appointment with another man?”
He smiled without mirth. “That… or she doesn’t see you guys like that.”
“It is also possible,” the VP began, “that she is shy. You know, coming to your employers’ house with a man who also works in the same organization. It’s somehow… for some girls.”
Ikenna agreed. “I’m a guy but it kinda feels somehow to me.”
Emenike took a sip and shut his eyes as the liquor burned his throat, chest, and elsewhere. We waited for him to recover. He did (thank God). “See eh,” he said, “it is possible that she is shy or actually busy, but she is a Nigerian girl, right?”
“Not just a Nigerian girl, an Nnewi girl. My brother, you should always assume the worst about them.”
“Let me see. She has many men and K is number four?’
“That should make sense,” I said. “I’m an Arsenal fan.”
They laughed. Arsenal was known for finishing fourth.
“You are not entirely wrong,” Emenike said of Ikenna’s point. “An average fine girl usually has two men that truly counts: One in Nigeria and one abroad.”
“There are so many Nnewi/Ozubulu men abroad,” he continued. “One guy can be controlling ten girls in Nigeria with the promise of ‘I will come back, marry you and take you abroad’, and each girl would believe she is the true love. But it is just a game to him.”
“But why refuse to come here with K?”
For inspiration, Emenike took a draw from his glass then it burned him. After he survived, he said: “Now, this brings me to the point Hosea made earlier. This is her employers’ house. More than that, the director and the proprietress are important people that your babe would like to invite to her wedding. When it’s the time, she would feel terrible bringing an IV to my parents that doesn’t carry the name of the man she once came here with for a lunch date.”
There was a moment silent as we mulled Emenike’s words. He poured his fourth shot. Ikenna was on his second, the VP on his first and mine just stood there. Our host looked at my glass. “You haven’t touched your drink.”
“I’m thinking,” I said; “this one that you are just drinking and dropping rhema, I am strongly considering going home with the whole bottle.”
One or two laughed.
“What’s the way forward for our guy?” Ikenna asked.
“Nothing. He would continue to love her and be with her. He would just tamper his expectation. She may be his, she may not.”
“And no too much investment of energy, emotions, and the likes,” Ikenna said.
“It is the hope that kills.”
At this moment my phone began to ring. It was Obioma.
“Talk of the devil.”
“Put it on speak out,” someone said.
I wasn’t comfortable with this but following their concerns and counsels, I felt they had gained the right to officially eavesdrop.
“Hello,” I said.”
“Hello, are you done with the lunch?”
“Eiyeah. So sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“I will make it up to you,” she said.
“I will be waiting.”
“Er… Who did you go with?”
“You don’t know her so should I just describe her for you?”
“No need,” she said curtly. “I am a little free now so I will be coming to your place so we could spend a little time together. Please start coming out.”
“Tell her to go hell,” Ikenna said without saying it out.
I looked at the VP who shrugged with a lack of opinion. I looked at Emenike and his face was covered with his glass. “I will be there in a moment,” I said. The time was quarter past five.
I ended the call and pocketed my phone. I owed no one any explanation.
“Something must kill a man,” Emenike said.
I agreed. “Let’s toast.”
We all lifted our glasses. “To something that must kill a man,” I said.
“To something that must kill a man,” they chorused.