Domestic Violence: Must Everyone Get Married?

We are living in what I term the Age of Panic, rubbed with a fearful dose of violence. Today, Sylvanus Omoniyi takes on violence at home. This is not his first time here, he has written, for us, about the unending battles in Nigeria. Enjoy


I have written a lot about walking away from any relationship that threatens your life and peace of mind. It is not because I love to see people break up, but because your life is more important than any fucking relationship. The best relationship you can have in this world is the relationship with yourself. I should be busy with something else by now but I must write this post because it is very important.

In the last few years, I have witnessed a lot of untimely deaths caused by people who claim to love themselves. It is funny how your lover can turn around and become your murderer. Everyone seems to be angry. We don’t understand one another anymore. We want to fall in love by all means. We go into relationships unprepared. It is always sweet at the beginning until we start seeing the flaws of the other person. If you can’t live with yourself, how do you want to cope living with another person?

It is not everyone you see in a human body that is truly a human being. Some are animals in human skin. Marriage is not for children, I have always said it. Relationship is not for babies. Married people can come to social media and upload beautiful smiling pictures, but some of them know what they are facing secretly in their private homes. Damn any relationship that makes your life miserable. Damn it. That relationship can go to hell.

Let me shock you a bit. Most of you will live fulfilling happy lives until you get married. That is to say, life will be better for some of you if you don’t get married. But, all of us want to get married because we have been conditioned by the society to do it. It is like you are not a complete human being when you are not married, especially in Africa. So, because we want to tell the society that we are humans, some of us put ourselves in problems by getting married. And we end up digging our own graves. So sad.


I don’t support domestic violence in any way. I don’t support violence at all. I believe in dialogue and communication. I believe in peaceful coexistence. People must learn to sit down and talk about matters that are important to them. If you know you can’t stand marriage, please find someone and tell them you just want to sleep with them. It is better that way. People can be laid without getting married if they know that marriage won’t work out for them. Is it not better than killing ourselves?

The society is killing us because we are too afraid. We allow the society to dictate things to us. Marriage won’t work for some people but they keep forcing themselves into it. I think it is better when you know things that work for you and things that don’t work. You don’t have to copy people and die. It saddens me when people result in violence in relationships. Personally, I can’t allow any woman to cut my dick away in the name of anger. I’m still a virgin and I want to use my something very well and make God happy. I’ll simply walk away from an aggressive woman.

I think people should learn to walk away when they are angry. It is better to walk away than to do something stupid that will lead you or your partner into trouble. Married people, please listen to me. Your life is more important than your marriage. If you can’t stand a cheating partner, please walk out of the marriage. It is honourable that way. I’m not advocating divorce but it is better than killing one another. Temperaments are not the same. But, most importantly, people should embrace dialogue. We are not animals. We should learn to talk about things instead of losing our minds.

We should communicate instead of killing ourselves. No man or woman deserves to die because of marriage. No one. I have read some stupid people saying women killing their husbands is a revolution. What senseless revolution is that? I think people who said that are embittered people. They are probably people who have been hurt in previous relationships. They are speaking from the angle of anger and bitterness. There is no revolution in bloodshed. We can still have a bloodless revolution.

We must not listen to these ignorant people who encourage violence. If you don’t love your husband or wife anymore, or you can’t stand what they are doing to you, please walk out of the relationship gently. Don’t kill your partner. And don’t allow your partner to kill you. If your partner is one that likes to communicate by beating you, please run for your life. You need to save your life before saving your marriage. You can only save your marriage when you are alive. This applies to everyone, whether male or female. Run from anyone who wants to kill you.

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Nnamdi Kanu Is Not The Problem

Nnamdi Kanu is not the problem here and it amuses me that we keep railing on and on at him and his group. Kanu is a manifestation of a problem. He is filling in a lacuna, one created by years of our collective denial and dishonesty. He is what those in the medical field will call a “symptom”. A symptom is just an indicator to a problem, malfunction or dysfunction. The truth is, take Kanu away and someone else, maybe much more radical, will replace him. Why? Because we have failed to address the reason he is even in our faces in the first place. A smart and thinking president/government will understand the above before acting like a starved hyena.

Why is there an agitation for secession? Why do we have an increasing score of people cry out daily for a division? What is the root of the Biafran agitation? Is there marginalization? If yes, in what ways? How can it be solved? What are our options? Address these issues and the symptom takes care of itself. Beautifully, symptoms help in the diagnosis of a problem. Kanu is a necessary symptom. I keep saying this. You can’t cover a beautiful carpet on a termite infested floor. Why are the termites in your room in the first place? Why is water leaking through your roof? What are the root issues of what is manifesting?

On a very personal basis, I’m indifferent to a call for secession or a call for unity. Historically and all round, my indifference is justified. In whatever angle you look, I’m a minority and that places me at the mercy of others. Go figure! And while I can laugh in oil, that even places me at a worse position.

And truth be told, this is the most divisive government (at the federal level) I will ever experience in Nigeria. Add insensitive to it too. And this is me being very kind with words. To anyone who denies this one fact, I have no words.

If I was the IPOB leader, I will understand that nations are sovereign for a reason and I will also understand the territorial-jealousy that comes with that. What will I do if I want to secede? I will explore my options, first through the instrumentation of the law, and where I absolutely have none, I will damn the consequences, equip my men and get ready to face the music that comes with insurrection and disruption of an already protected territory. Security, both internal and external is the first reason we even have governments. Cue in man’s social contract. Anything can be done using the cover of security, legal or not. And yes, the law will back this.

Without sounding too simplistic or too academic, the agitations of IPOB can be realised without sacrificing lives or playing into the hands of a mad government. A well structured, articulate and thought-out agenda will fix this. I know this.

I want to reference the Constitution, and I also want to reference the Armed Forces Act for and against the Operation Python Dance, but the thing is, I am tired.

The constitution expressly provides rights and liberties to citizens and especially that of expression, but that right is not absolute or without exceptions. We should never forget this. The other truth is, there are many loopholes in the law and one can take advantage of it.

While we shout and kick against Kanu, let us not ignore the reason he has sprouted, strongly and boldly. Time is running out. The solution or fix to these issues is not just political, like many of us are positing. We need a holistic approach to it. Nothing less.

Written by Enwongo Cleopas; first published in

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