shege-mavrodi

MMM: To Weep Or Not To Weep (Yet)?

Has MMM crashed?

There are two answers to this question. Depending on whom you ask. There are two people you can channel this dreadful question to. The Realist and the Optimist.

Has MMM crashed?

Realist: Yes, it has crashed, technically.

Optimist: No, it has not crashed, hopefully.

The large number of people who didn’t do MMM are in group one. They are praying and hoping that MMM crashes so that they can bare fangs and say, ‘I told you so. I warned you haha.’ The people who belong to the second group are the ones whose money is doing see-saw in MMM, the ones whose heart is doing see-saw as well (Please keep insecticide out of the reach of children  MMMites). This group has nothing else to do but to hold on to the faint hope that MMM will return in January and reward their heartache with naira.

Let me digress a little.

I have read so many articles hastily written about MMM by people who claim not to be involved in MMM. The intellectual, the entrepreneurs, the born again, the wise one, the broke-asses and the lily-livered. 70% of them actually have their house rent in MMM and they are too ashamed to come out as cry babies. Past her the hankie.

I am in MMM, so you can take this article as one written by a fellow mavrodian (what a name!). Well, before you begin to laugh or say ntoor to me, let me point out that I reluctantly entered MMM in late October just for the fun. It was like social media to me and most of my friends and colleagues were/are in it. And they continuously spammed me on Whatsapp and harassed me in the office until I reluctantly joined their demonic wagon. But I joined for fun, I swear; the money I make there, everything goes to charity through Okechukwu Foundation. Walahi.

I knew that MMM will never crash until I join. I said it on Facebook in October that MMM is waiting for me to enter. My village witches are tew much. So when I entered MMM, I put Small Money (in late October) and I allowed it to mature in early December before cashing out. Meanwhile in mid-November I opened another account using my brother’s account number. I put in another Small Money that will be used for Christmas. the money will mature on Friday and I intended to leave it and cash out on 23rd December (wise me). I even made a list on how to share the money. Aunty Uju, one hollandaise; Uncle Sam one bottle of schnapps. Etc.  Hahaha.

On the 7th of December, MMM announced 20% Christmas bonus; I was seduced. No reason to fear, after all my ‘Think Tank’ predicted that MMM won’t crash until the second quarter of 2017. Haha. So I asked to Provide Help with big money. Big Money. This was on Friday. Almost immediately, MMM matched me to pay someone. Giving me 96 hours. My antennae groaned. So soon? In the weekend? For so much time? I shrugged, MMM is strong and decided to pay. I brought out my phone and logged into FirstMobile app. I typed the person’s account number. Then ‘Jesus loves you’ popped up my phone.

Screenshot (10).pngIt was a Whatsapp message, from Tina who had not talked to me for a long time. I didn’t understand; why sent me a ‘Jesus loves you’ message. Why. Of course, Jesus loves me (a lot sef) but why will Tina suddenly tell me, out of the blue, this divine obvious fact? I logged out of my bank app and decided to chat her up. ‘What’s up Tina?’ She didn’t respond. I called her; she didn’t pick. But I was no longer in the mood to send the money. I decided to wait and see, after all I still had plenty time.

I woke up on Tuesday morning to the coup, MMM blowing grammar about freezing the account because of one crinkum to another crankum.

I lost my Christmas money, technically. But, my Big Money is in tact. Praise Master Jesus! Oh, if anything had ‘freezed’ my Big Money, I would have shown MMM that you cannot use the tail of the lion to tie firewood. I would have showed them that you do not hold a viper in the head whether it is dead or alive. I would have chewed them whole, swallow them whole and vomit them out whole. I would have shaved their head with their shin-bone. I would have–

What about my Christmas money that they froze? Erm… Well, let that one freeze, in fact let them pour a dozen of ice-block on it; after all Christmas is a time for sober reflection, meditating on the Great Birth of our Lord Jesus Christ and the glory of his salvation. Not a time to tie wrapper or drink kai-kai.

Has MMM crashed?

Technically speaking, I would say the panic the freezing has created has put it on the expresssway of crashing. But hopefully, they will come back strong and someone will pay me my Christmas money in January and I will give it to Miss Charity. But for this to happen, MMM guarders and consultants and administrators must get a new dibia. I suggest they go to Ijebu Ode or even India. The media lash, from radio to newspapers to social media on MMM is two much. People are panicking, confidence is low. MMM will not survive this, technically.

Is this then the time to weep about lost investment. No. Because…

1, You are greedy. You know it would eventually crash, you saw ultimate cycler speaking grammar, yet you left your head in a tumultuous dam in search of easy dough.

2, It is too early to cry. Wait till January.

3, It is too late to cry. What will your crying accomplish?

4, How much did you even lose? I spoke with someone this morning whose one million naira will mature this weekend, whose 2.5 million is due for cashing out on Christmas eve. So if you weep, what do you expect the guy to do? kill himself? Please, respect yourself.

5, Why cry when you can laugh about it?

6, It is not over until it is over.

7, Use the energy that would have been wasted crying to hit back at the mass media. Tell people around and on social media not to panic, lie that you have requested to PH, vow to pay out in January and laugh off the panickers as cowardly. Then travel to Ijebu Ode for the latest dibia. Help your ministry.

But has MMM really really crashed?

I am sick of this question. Ask yourself, ‘If MMM matches me to pay someone in January, will I?’ Now ask your friends and family. Your answers will give you an idea of whether MMM has really really crashed. Don’t ask me again. I am tired. I have work to do. Meanwhile share this post. If you do, you will get 20 dollars automatically. Then you will get ten percent of this for every one (referral) who reads it through you. Bonus points if you make a comment or like the post. I will pay you after thirty days, by and by, across the stream, technically. Ole.

Catch you in January.

Tweets to @Oke4chukwu

mourinho-hard-voices

EPL Preview: Chelsea to Win, Question Marks for Mourinho, Man City, Arsenal

 

The last time I had anything to do with football review was in March 2015. being a while, you can say that again. Let’s get to business.

Saturday, 15 Oct., 2016

Chelsea V Leicester City, 12.30PM

This lunchtime match is set to produce mouth-watering sparks, a must-watch and if it plays out like their EFL cup match of last month then it is worth missing lunch for. Shame this one cannot go for 120 minutes. Leicester are learning that premiership hates fairytale, although Chelsea ain’t bourgeoning people I expect this to be another big match that will show Leicester that their miracle ended in May. Costa to score.

Final Score 3:1 #CheLei

Arsenal V Swansea, 3.00PM

The last two times this Welsh club came to the Emirates they left with a whopping six-points sauce. Arsenal usually finds it difficult handling the deep-seating fluid game of Swansea. Now they have a new coach in Bob Bradley and they should get something out of this. Arsenal are in descending form, beat Chelsea 3-0 (hot), beat Basel 2-0 (warm), beat Burnley 1-0 (lukewarm). A cold (draw) will complete this circle. And remember Fabiansky usually becomes invisible against his former employers. I see a score draw, I hope I’m wrong.

Final Score 2-2 #ArsSwa

ozil-hard-voices

Bournemouth V Hull, 3.00Pm

No one in the Milky Way cares about this match, except you nairabetters. Ok, ok, the match will be played for ninety minutes that I am sure. Uhm, er, I think the home side will win. Don’t bet on it.

Final score 2-1 #BouHul

Man City V Everton, 3.00PM

Now the league has begun for Guardiola; premiership, he has seen, is no expressway to be sped through. There are bumps and potholes. A reality check from Spurs last week might see a change of approach from the blue side of Manchester still lacking the magic wand of De Bruyne. Everton’s brilliant start under Koeman will face its stiffest test yet. It will be entertaining but Aguero’s genius might prove the slight difference. A cracker, this one.

Final Score 3-2 #MciEve

Stock V Sunderland, 3.00PM

The top of the table battle, if you turn the table upside side, sees perennial relegation battlers Sunderland visit the Britannia.  Coached by David Moyes (Ferguson’s kinsman and chosen one), who has being dismissed as a small club coach and who is proving that even that is a generous praise, Sunderland would be happy with a draw. But Stock who took an undeserved point in Old Trafford a fortnight ago should be too motivated for shared spoils.

Final Score 2-1 #StoSun

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West Brom V Tottenham, 3.00PM

West Brom are nineth in the table with nine points after seven games, not bad for them but they are going to answer the call when Pochettino’s brigade stands at the door and knocks. Dele Alli, Sun and co will have a lot of questions for Tony Pulis’ boys when the door is opened. I doubt if the West Midlands club can proffer all the answers for them. They will lose this and it doesn’t make them bad, not that a win will make Spurs finish above Arsenal in May.

Final Score 1-3 #WbaTot

Crystal Palace V West Ham, 5.30PM

West Ham are having a nightmare. Their worst start in the league in thirty years is set for an extension in this London derby. The brilliance of Payet and Mitchail Antonio’s big head will still fall short. Slaven Bilik’s poor form won’t continue forever but will it end in Selhurst Park on saturday? The safest bet is for a Palace win but I have a hunch West Ham will get something from this one.

Final Score 3-3, #CryWha

 Sunday, 16, Oct., 2016

Middlesborough V Watford, 1.30PM

A one-all draw in West Ham last week is a fair result and seeing how Watford almost lost at home last match this battle seems to favour the Boro. Although Watford haven’t found their form since they earn a season highlight victory over Man Utd, I think one of Deeney, Ighalo and Isaac Success (they say he is injured, lies) should trouble Aitor Karanka’s backline.

Final Score 1-1 #MidWat

Southampton V Burnley, 4.00PM

I don’t see Burnley getting anything from this one, period (not in Donald trump’s voice.

Final Score 3-0 #SouBun

Monday, 17 Oct., 2016

Liverpool V Man Utd, 7.45PM

It feels like Christmas for Man Utd foes as pundits rule them out of top four finish. Mourinho’s haters should be giddy with joy. So much have been said about Klop’s chemistry with his player, the hugs, the hand holding and all. They have beaten all the big teams this season, that is if you count Leicester and Chelsea as big teams, and their 4-3 victory at the emirates is a preseason match according to the epistle Wenger wrote to the Inefficians. Mourinho and Pogba are yet to convince but Mourinho is a tactician and should out-fox Klop in this one. It doesn’t look llike it but with Mourinho most surprises are possible. Fancy Rooney with another false assist.

Final Score 1-2 #LivMun

henderson-liverpool