Domestic Violence: Must Everyone Get Married?

We are living in what I term the Age of Panic, rubbed with a fearful dose of violence. Today, Sylvanus Omoniyi takes on violence at home. This is not his first time here, he has written, for us, about the unending battles in Nigeria. Enjoy

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I have written a lot about walking away from any relationship that threatens your life and peace of mind. It is not because I love to see people break up, but because your life is more important than any fucking relationship. The best relationship you can have in this world is the relationship with yourself. I should be busy with something else by now but I must write this post because it is very important.

In the last few years, I have witnessed a lot of untimely deaths caused by people who claim to love themselves. It is funny how your lover can turn around and become your murderer. Everyone seems to be angry. We don’t understand one another anymore. We want to fall in love by all means. We go into relationships unprepared. It is always sweet at the beginning until we start seeing the flaws of the other person. If you can’t live with yourself, how do you want to cope living with another person?

It is not everyone you see in a human body that is truly a human being. Some are animals in human skin. Marriage is not for children, I have always said it. Relationship is not for babies. Married people can come to social media and upload beautiful smiling pictures, but some of them know what they are facing secretly in their private homes. Damn any relationship that makes your life miserable. Damn it. That relationship can go to hell.

Let me shock you a bit. Most of you will live fulfilling happy lives until you get married. That is to say, life will be better for some of you if you don’t get married. But, all of us want to get married because we have been conditioned by the society to do it. It is like you are not a complete human being when you are not married, especially in Africa. So, because we want to tell the society that we are humans, some of us put ourselves in problems by getting married. And we end up digging our own graves. So sad.

Fighting-Couple

I don’t support domestic violence in any way. I don’t support violence at all. I believe in dialogue and communication. I believe in peaceful coexistence. People must learn to sit down and talk about matters that are important to them. If you know you can’t stand marriage, please find someone and tell them you just want to sleep with them. It is better that way. People can be laid without getting married if they know that marriage won’t work out for them. Is it not better than killing ourselves?

The society is killing us because we are too afraid. We allow the society to dictate things to us. Marriage won’t work for some people but they keep forcing themselves into it. I think it is better when you know things that work for you and things that don’t work. You don’t have to copy people and die. It saddens me when people result in violence in relationships. Personally, I can’t allow any woman to cut my dick away in the name of anger. I’m still a virgin and I want to use my something very well and make God happy. I’ll simply walk away from an aggressive woman.

I think people should learn to walk away when they are angry. It is better to walk away than to do something stupid that will lead you or your partner into trouble. Married people, please listen to me. Your life is more important than your marriage. If you can’t stand a cheating partner, please walk out of the marriage. It is honourable that way. I’m not advocating divorce but it is better than killing one another. Temperaments are not the same. But, most importantly, people should embrace dialogue. We are not animals. We should learn to talk about things instead of losing our minds.

We should communicate instead of killing ourselves. No man or woman deserves to die because of marriage. No one. I have read some stupid people saying women killing their husbands is a revolution. What senseless revolution is that? I think people who said that are embittered people. They are probably people who have been hurt in previous relationships. They are speaking from the angle of anger and bitterness. There is no revolution in bloodshed. We can still have a bloodless revolution.

We must not listen to these ignorant people who encourage violence. If you don’t love your husband or wife anymore, or you can’t stand what they are doing to you, please walk out of the relationship gently. Don’t kill your partner. And don’t allow your partner to kill you. If your partner is one that likes to communicate by beating you, please run for your life. You need to save your life before saving your marriage. You can only save your marriage when you are alive. This applies to everyone, whether male or female. Run from anyone who wants to kill you.

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Dear Lady Who Wants to Sell Virginity for 600K

Dear Lady,
Good morning. Or good afternoon or evening. I don’t know the time there. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the good. On Friday (I work in the media so I see all the news as they break) I saw the headline ‘Nigerian lady wants to sell virginity for 600K.’ The devil wants to use someone, I thought dismissively and scrolled on. I didn’t bother reading.

At home, I saw the news (again) on Facebook. I read it. I felt anger at the sight of simplicity and confidence in sexual solicitation in its shameless and sleazy height; anger which thawed into a feeling mixed with pity and frustration in near-equal proportions. But, I reasoned, this may just be a publicity stunt or a sinister prank. Whatever, it has claimed media attention and I would write about it. I felt better.

Miss, you want to sell your virginity for 600 thousand naira? It’s your body, your virginity and your account number. I won’t tell you what to do with your body, your virginity and your account number. But I have a few things to say before you go that road. I am an intellectual and putting mouth on things that concern me not is my business. I have plenty issues with your proposal, but I would dwell on just three.

1, You sold yourself very cheap.
600 thousand is a big amount in this recession but even 600 is too small for your virginity. How much should virginity go? No amount. Virginity is priceless. You said you’re not a prostitute that you just wished to give it to a man that would value your pride.

You see, pride, like integrity and peace of mind etc, are some things that cannot be sold in the market, if you really have them. I have said it before, you must, if you want to take your life seriously, have some things in your life that money cannot buy, that can never go for sale.

By putting a price tag between your leg, you turned yourself into a cheap commodity like a goat and ogiri that can be turned around, accessed, bargained and rightly dismissed. You said, ‘I have standing boobs, moderate ass and very tight virgin (you mean vagina).’ Hahaha. You warned you are not a prostitute. You are not, my dear, you are an expensive one. So expensive yet so cheap.

2, You’re playing with your life
This is Nigeria. I know there are many men who would pay as much to sleep with a famous celebrity. It’s not virginity or the sex they are after, it’s the bragging in the beer parlour that I slept with this superstar actress and that sexy musician that they desire. Most of the people who would gladly pay this amount for a celebrity would not bargain it, they would bring the money in cartons. Blank cheque.

But for a hustler offering blatant sex, I can bet those who would be interested are mostly people who would want to get ‘profit’ from it. Yahoo boys, ritualists, devils parading as men would sure apply. Those kinds of men whose manhood spit, not sperm, but maggots, men who have the ability to make you bleed for more than a week after the act, men who would destroy you, men who would eat you whole and vomit you alive yet not so alive.

I shudder.

Sex is not just a physical affair. It goes deep, deeper than that. Once some man climbs you, your life would never remain the same; your life might will alter for the worst.
You want to sell your virginity? some psycho could win the bid and gather his type, a group of rapists to ‘show the greedy girl’. They might even make video of it and blackmail you for the rest of your life.

I’m not trying to frighten you but the odds that this would be your first and last sex is not minimal, the chances that you would look back to this event and eat yourself with regret is much. The sex might as well go without any visible backlash, but this is your body, your life, why should you subject it to such immeasurable risk?

3, You’re a victim and promoter of female subjugation.
Virginity is wrongly defined. In two ways. First, it’s defined as the state of having not engaged in penetrative sex. Sex goes beyond penetration (except you are saying homosexuals are virgins).

Virginity is primarily about innocence. A woman who calls herself a virgin but eats sugarcane, allows a man loosen her bra and explore is not a virgin. Same with a man who hasn’t had sex but masturbates. I have seen so many virgins who know about sex, sexual pleasure and orgasm more than half the women in their mother’s age grade.

Once you have enjoyed the ecstasy of sex you have lost it. Except you wish to deceive yourself.

Secondly, which is where I have the major problem, virginity is defined as female virginity. The society talks about and expects sexual purity but they actually look only at women purity. Men’s purity is a mere footnote. That’s why our ancestors place a white cloth on the bed on the wedding night to see if she woman had been defiled and lost her virgin blood elsewhere. No one cared about the man’s. In their wisdom, they failed to make allowance for a woman whose hymen might have broken through some form of exercise.

Today we have inherited that woman-virginity-is-supreme mentality. And by auctioning your body, you have affirmed victim status of the gender sexual bias. And by so doing, friend, you’ve put on the big screen the objectification of the vagina.

I don’t think you are very smart. As a matter of brutal fact, you are confused. Recall where you wrote if any man wants something serious, it must be marriage at first sight. Ah ha. But as confused as you are, as shallow as your thought capacity sounds, you have, without knowing it, fanatically expanded the sexploration industry and become a symbol of its foundation. You have begun a story in your life. And it’s not a comedy.

Don’t let the devil misuse you.

Yours Sincerely,
I.

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