I dey craze? Im think say I no get sense, but I no be mumu. All de tin wey im de talk na wash, I no fit take am serious. If na anoda persin I go talk say make im talk enter dis ear comot for de oda ear; but im own talk no suppose even touch my ear talkless of say make im enter. Taa! No be inside my cocoyam-leaf ear rubbish go enter. I no do everly agree. Oche no fit marry my sister.

Oche, you na my friend. Me and you na five and six we be. We de drink togeda. We de do runs togeda. We de borrow one anoda money. In short me and you na correct padi we be. Everybody for dis our area dem sabi our togedaness: If dem see you, dey don see me; if dey de look for you come see me, dey don kuku ma see you. Me and you dey togeda two-four. But oga, you no fit marry ma sister.

Na four of us we mama born for we papa. We be two boys, two gals. But one of the gals die when we be pikin dem; so E come remain two boys and one gal. me, na me be the first born child. Now wey all of us don grow and papa and mama don run go stay for village na my response-ability (yes, my response-ability, u tin say na only you sabi grammer?) to make sure say everytin wey concern ma junior ones, sand sand no enter de garri.

Na me de train ma junior brother for universe-city even dough na for SS 2 na im I stop; and as for ma sister, de place wey she dey learn sowing na me find dat place for her and na me pay for her appren-artist money plus come bai her sowing machine. No be say na me go de take every decision for dem. No be say na me go talk persin wey dem go marry but at list I no persin wey no deserve to marry ma sista, at list I no say Oche no fit marry ma sister.

No be say oche na bad persin im be. No be dat one; Im good o: in no be aka-gum, im de work hard, for our job, im de mix six cement bags per every day why I de mix five and no be say I be mai-mai. Im no dey find trouble. Im de go church every Sunday even dough na for outside im de stand, church na church. Im no de everly owe house rent, im de always settle im landlord as and art when do (grammer no de hard me o). Im dress code no de bad, and no be say na bend-down selet im too de wear; atimes im de enter boutik. But dat one no com mean say im suppose marry ma sister. Im sabi drink well well, im na oga for to de smoke weed and im sabi gals matter well-well; de tin wey dey inside skirt dey sweet am no be small. Dis kain persin no fit marry ma sister, jor.

Lie lie, Oche no go marry my sista. Im talk say im love am and she kuku ma recipro-reciplo—make I no bite ma tongue jor—she kuku ma love am back, but all na wash. No be love I go chop. Oche no just be am at all at all. Im no fit marry ma sister, hoha! Lie, lie I no gree. I no fit dey dia make trouser wear me. No be for nose I de put food naw. Oche no fit marry ma—

‘Who de nok for door? Persin no fit rest sake of say im se for house?’ I talk when I hear de nok for de door; na gentle nok sha but I don de vex already so I no fit de talk sme-sme like say I get injury for maut. Anyways, the persin wey nok na ma sister and as she enter she com de cry but I swear na crocodile tears she dey shed. See am, fine girl, black beauty wey koret like dis na im Oche wan make I give am. Impossicant. Im don enter voicemail. Wrong number na im im de try, make im try again somewhere. Dis ma Tomato Jos no be for am. She dey cry, if she like make she weep I no fit allow am, Oche no fit marry ma sister.

As I tanda for cussin I com pretend like say I no see ma sister as she come knee down for floor wan beg me; I be God? Na me be the guy wey dey nail for the cross wey she carry for neck? If she like make she lie down for cement, if she like make she hit her head for wall Oche no fit marry ma sister

‘I have confession,’ ma sister com talk for we language like say I be fada for parish. Anyways, I ask am wetin E be na im she com talk, ‘I am pregnant for Oche.’

WHAT!!! E be like say scorpion shoot me for nyash as I take jump comot for the sit. What? Oche give ma sister belle, O rimi kpoto o! Vex plus anger and annoyance come grab ma body sotai I come dey sweat, dey shake. I no no wetin I go do but I no say I suppose tear Oche into pieces. Before I observe I don see maself for kitchen where I carry big matchete. Na only short nicker I wear but I no send as I run de go Oche’s bunk. Persin wey I de eat for the same plate wit give ma sister belle? Mba, I no go gree. As I de run na im I taste salt water for my mouth. I dey cry, Oche don fall ma hand.

Tweets to @Oke4chukwu