A KANO LINGUIST RANTS ABOUT NIGERIA

I am an introvert personality. I am not someone with a leaking vocal coordination that is going about spewing banal articulations. When I see something stupid I immediately unsee because my intelligent is far above stupidities and passion. I cannot be seeing myself dancing to every wind and caprices. I am the dogonyaro tree that withstand every airforce.

Before I continuous, I must give spoiler alert. I am a grammatical ability and sometimes my words only dictionary can carry it especially when I am vexed. Beer with me because I cannot bring it to your level, just look at somebody who is linguistically violent to be interpretation my vocabulary conundrum. Ah ha!

I have confessed to my introvert naturalism but I have come to decide to speak out. The issues in the national tea cup has entered a dangerous atmosphere. In lay man’s terminus, we are under suffering. No electricity, no fuel, no job, no money, no anything.

Why is this happens under change? This is not what we bargains for during campaign. When Buhari he comes and jingle campaign promises like traffic jam. The promises he have denied them. Because the promise is APC promised not his personally. But people voted because of this billboard of five thousand to unemployed, of two million jobs of school children feedback. Now all of them denied or detained.

The only promise attained is fighting corruption. But this is absolute propaganda. Because not single naira enter our economy. You are fighting corruption but you are borrowing made in China money. This is inconsequential intangibility. For my opinionated wisdom, corruption is when somebody enter NNPC filling station and buy fuel 400 naira.

We are tired. Stop blaming Fashola or Kachikwu. I did not casting one vote for Fashola nor Kachikwu. I cast you my vote, remember Kano cast you 1.9 million vote¬† So don’t insult our excess sense organs. And nobody to tell me nonsense of exercise patience. One year is not one week. You cannot hold one year wastage and expect to successfully incarnate your destination. Is first year suffering constitutional? Is go slow government the cultural manifest? Then why the bastardisation of the masses? Because the rich are getting richer while the poor are trekking and sipping garri without no sugar.

Some people are stupid to be saying we better to buy fuel 400 naira than blood shedding all the time. But is it a crime for us to have everything that every normal country have? Look at Niger Republic we give them independence but they have peace, fuel and light. But some people want peace in exchange for cutthroat economy. Some people must go back to school.

That is one. On the issue of Fulani frequency fighting all over Nigeria is something that must be put to a stoppage. I enter Facebook somebody he posted the fear of Fulani headsmen is the beginning of wisdom. I feel bad about that testament. My mother is Fulani even you the president is Fulani so you must ensure that peaceful coexistence thrift among all and asunder. People that kill cattles and people that kill somebody must be bought to book. Otherwise Nigeria will fall apart and men anarchy will be loosed upon the society.

On the aspect of your frequency traveling in the overseas is not good. Because money is burning in the jet because it’s not swimming you use to travel or inside horseback. It’s kerosene you put in your jet and meandering in the wilderness of somewhere. Obasanjo when he presiding this country partitioned more than 70 countries but Nigeria he worst after Obasanjo come down. It is not traveling, traveling, traveling. Sometimes you put credit in your waya and call Japan or you send your deputy or a minister.

That remembrance me of your deputy come to Kano and people are abusing him shouting “bamuso, bamuyi” and some people carry sign board with the subscription “no food, no fuel, no money”. Somebody even throw something stronger than aya. This is just the tip of the ice bank of frustration. If it happenstance in Enugu or Port Harcourt they will say 5% noise but if we Kanawa complain then it is really a hopelessly situation. This is the typing on the wall for this administration. Sit up.

On the issue of Boko Haram you have tried your common best to uproot the enigma of their barbarism. But some people can never accepting the defeatism of Boko Haram because of Chibok girls. Until they return all the Chibok hostages. And we’re hearing one girl see in Cameroon¬† one girl carrying suicide cartridges. Too much confusion. I secretly suggestions you secretly negotiations with Boko Haram to release as much girls as possible. But inside public looks you bone your face marrow and threaten the use of forceful that is how American CIA using tactics, they bone but they go behind the curtain and pay top dollars. Because no amount of forcing and intelligent gathering will rescue all the girls, it is something for the sensing organs to manoeuvre and decipher. I am a bloody civilians but that does not mean I cannot give you military tactics and nuances. A world is enough for a wise.

In a final note I must quantify this with a quotation mark. In the world of Chris Rock “No normal, decent person is one thing”. Buhari must not becoming one thing, just pursuing corruption. Because what we poor masses need is food by the table, light on our bulb and fuel inside our Keke.
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Just for fun you should try commenting in this King’s Grammar, if you can.

Tweets to @Oke4chukwu

Ramblings Of An Angry Nigerian: SERGEANT KINGSLEY OKECHUKWU

The Nigerian Police Force is recruiting and haters are sending me the link on WhatsApp. You know Pete Edochie/Chinua Achebe once said that the death that’ll kill a dog usually shuts its sense of smell. That is why some people will see an angry youth who never smiles (only when his landlord is in trouble); someone who is single, broke, associates with no one, a total sadist, and they think they are doing him a favour by giving him a black uniform, an oversized beret and a gun. Hehehe.

Is like something worry you for head.

Imagine the overconfidence, giving Abacha’s number two a gun for a living.

Sergeant Okechukwu!!

Shun sur!

So it’s a hot day, you are driving and there, in the middle of the road is Sergeant Okechukwu, standing a gun in this hand, a burning cigarette in the other hand, dry lips and bloodshot eyes, and he says Stop! Show me your particulars! Won’t you be afraid? Say the truth and shame the devil.

No? Haha, but I am that kind of police that will put the barrel of the gun on your windscreen and tarararara!!

Linda Ikeji breaking news: Police Officer Shoots Babe Over Delay to Show Her Particulars.

In ancient Israel, the Hebrews decided to replace their theocracy with monarchy, they approached Prophet Samuel and demanded for a king like their neighbouring kingdoms. So Samuel sat them down and calmly listed the demerits of royalty. Basically he showed them that earpick is not for the eyes.

Today I have decided to sit you down (or you may remain standing if you wish, who cares!) and show you in technicolor the side effects of giving an Angry Nigerian a gun.

image

1, I’m not your friend.
The police is your friend bla bla bla, they say. Oho, na them know. I, Sergeant Kingsley Okechukwu, is not your friend. More like your enemy. You see, my duty to the Federal Republic of Nigeria is to catch criminals. Everyone I meet is a criminal until you prove your innocence, until you uncriminalise yourself. And you will have to do that quickly before I shoot you. I am a stammerer.

2, I will not collect fifty naira.
Before you put your father’s Volkswagen in my road get your papers intact. Your driver’s license, road worthiness, Enhance Central Motor Registry certificate, your MOT, vehicle receipt, receipt of ownership (Is your name Chief Bernard Osikaku? Did you fight in the civil war? Shut up before I shoot you!), your receipt of plate number etc etc.

If you don’t have any of these woe unto thee because I’ll just pour fuel on your rickety motor and set fire on it. I cannot come and allow hazard on my highway.

3, I will not pay you.

I will buy your cigarettes, drink your kaikai, board your okada, buy bread from you but I WILL NOT PAY YOU. I cannot. I am a public servant of the Federal Government, I’m your responsibility. Foxes have holes, birds have nests but the son/police of man has nowhere to stay, so he stays everywhere and enjoys everything free of charge. I belong to everyone and I belong to no one. If you try to stop me from eating in your unhygienic restaurant I’ll arrest you for obstruction of justice in the middle belt.

4, I am a sadist.

I repeat, I am a sadist. So no smiling is allowed 300 metres radius of me. If I catch you smiling in these darkness and fuel scarcity and general hardship then you are a criminal. I will handcuff you sharply and you’ll take me to where you hid the 50 litres of fuel that’s sweeting your belly; that or I’ll make you see your cocoyam leaves/ears without the aid of a looking glass. Oloshi.

5, I will not guard an APC event.
How can I stand guard, hungry, thirsty under the scorching sun and APC is having a programme and they are sharing jollof rice and Lai Mohammed is on the mike talking. And I have a loaded gun in my hand. Hehehehehe.

I am laughing in Ijaw.

No no no, I didn’t say I will do something o. No no, I am just laughing. It’s just something I remember that’s making me laughing upandown.

See eh, I can go on and on, up to fifty reasons but I have to stop somewhere. My battery is dying even. So mister chairman and impartial judges, with these few points of mine I hope (for your sake) you are convinced not confused (same thing) that giving me a police uniform is not in the best interest of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Thankyo.

I’m outta here.

Tweets to @Oke4chukwu